How to Improve Your Self Confidence at Bars and Clubs
Being a guy is harder than society gives us credit for. Men are valued for being stoic, brave, independent and outgoing, and for a lot of guys those behaviors are simply unnatural. Nowhere is this more obvious than in the bar. You’re there, scoping out ladies or our with your friends, and if you don’t feel confident you wear it on your face:
- You get left behind at the bar trying to order a drink.
- You gaze at the pretty girl sitting at the nearby table without going over.
- You get bumped into or blocked by the large crowds when you’re trying to walk around.
Good bars are cramped and crowded, and if you’re a guy that’s low in confidence, it becomes very obvious, very fast.
Improving This Confidence
The good news is that there are ways to improve your confidence in bars, clubs, and any other social situation – ways that don’t involve drinking an excessive amount of alcohol until you don’t care anymore. None of these are a quick fix – you have to continue to try these strategies over the course of the day in order to improve that confidence – but once you do it will feel more and more natural, until ultimately you give the impression of being a self-confident male.
Anxiety and a lack of self-confidence tend to creep up over time. The longer you spend avoiding any confident behavior, the harder it will be to become outgoing later. Instead, try to start strong. As soon as you walk into the bar, say hi to the nearest woman you see. Talk to the bartender immediately and see about chatting them up. Talk loud when you talk with your friends. Starting strong ensures that the discomfort with confidence doesn’t have an opportunity to set in.
Fake the Body Language
This is actually a pick up artist tip, but the truth is that confident body language can actually breed confident feelings. If you sit, stand, walk, and talk like a confident person, then you will start to feel more confident. Confident body language involves taking up space, making long eye contact, keeping your head up and your back straight, and more. Look at the body language of confident people and copy it, and you’ll see that over time you start to genuinely feel more confident.
One of the biggest reasons that guys struggle with their confidence is because they have a fear of being embarrassed or looking foolish. Psychology has found that we can get used to emotions until they no longer affect us. So if you have a fear of embarrassing yourself, try embarrassing yourself on purpose. If you’re uncomfortable doing this in your own city, go on a trip and embarrass yourself constantly in a bar. Say silly things, wear bad clothes – get rejected on purpose until you no longer fear rejection. Eventually the stress of it will go away.
Finally, you can always practice being confident. Similar to embarrassing yourself and faking body language, practice involves going up to someone (presumably an attractive member of the opposite sex) and talking to her with no intention of asking for her number. Do not, under any circumstances, try to take the conversation anywhere. Just try to get her to like you, and see where it goes. You may fail, you may succeed – but your goal is not to get the girl’s number, so much of the pressure is gone. Instead, your goal is to see how easy it is for you to hold a conversation, then try again with some other girl.
There’s no quick fix for reducing your anxiety in public situations, but there are ways to reduce it. Each of the above actions will help you with your anxiety, until it starts to go away. Eventually, you’ll simply feel more confident, and that will help you be more outgoing in bars, and elsewhere.