Hi guys, Zeus granted me a special invitation to pull up a chair and share some of my single-lady insights – and as you know, you don’t ignore an invitation from a deity commanding thunder and lightning. Let me begin by saying this is the first time I’m speaking frankly about my love life online, and I do so with some trepidation. I promise to be direct and honest, but in return I ask for you to have an open mind and a degree of empathy for my viewpoint. I’m not a relationship guru nor do I profess to have all the answers on the inner workings of a woman’s mind. I can only give my honest opinion so you can add my contribution to your dating arsenal or just view it as light entertainment; the choice is completely yours.
Now, with that out of the way, let me set the record straight. I adore men, utterly and completely; I believe there are great men in the world searching for their better half and I’m fortunate to be able to say the majority of my past relationships were with some real quality guys. They varied from average-looking to head-turning handsome; between jobs to making six figures; reflective to charismatic; and dry-humored loners to ‘life of the party’ conversationalists. But alas, those relationships ended, like some do, for various reasons, but I’m not harboring any grudges or contemplating blasting anyone’s reputation on the internet. Such negative energy would only sabotage my next relationship. (Tell Tameka Raymond to take a page from my book on that one. I believe in female solidarity, but her current media statements about her ex-husband are making Usher look justified for penning his 2009 divorce-inspired hit ‘Papers’.)
So as a woman with a healthy appreciation for many facades of manhood, here’s what makes me intrigued by a man approaching me for a date.
A genuine greeting at first observation
When you meet me for the first time, that is when you know if you’re attracted to me or not. There’s the scent of my perfume, the shape of my body, the look in my eyes, and the way my words roll off my tongue that will either make your body take note or have no measurable reaction. It’s your job to determine what you’re feeling and let that translate into the banter of our first conversation.
Now don’t forget to observe the setting we’re in. If you run into me on my job, surrounded by my subordinates and colleagues, the words you utter should balance a delicate walk between letting me know I have your interest and not putting my personal life on display. Water cooler gossip about my personal life will erode my professional credibility, and like you, I value my reputation at work.
If you run into me at the gym, running errands, a charity event, or a conference, I prefer your first words to be a genuine greeting, not some pickup line follow by full body scan. Just say ‘Hi’ and remember you’re the one in control of the conversation because you initiated it. If the conversation progresses like an exhilarating tennis match, then I’m either: entertained, curious, or attracted to you.
This is where my answers to your questions, the inflection of my voice, and your ability to observe my body language will give you clues to my attraction. Tap into your inner Alpha male and access the situation before proceeding. If I halt the conversation quickly, don’t take it as an invitation to pursue me harder. I’m just not interested. Besides, do you really want a relationship to start with a woman that doesn’t have some physical pull towards you? That’s an uphill battle, handsome, and nothing about a lady that’s meant to be your woman should be a battle.
You are single. Period.
Don’t be a selfish bastard and pretend you’re single, when you’re not. If you’re interested in dating me seriously, I won’t tolerate any ‘bait and switch’, jumping through hoops, or coming in second to another woman. I’m just not built that way. I know my value, I only like games in the bedroom, and I don’t like to share. Manipulating a quality woman to date you will not progress into a healthy relationship because the foundation is substandard. If you desire to date while you’re married or going through a divorce, place your focus towards women that are in the same situation and seeking the same. I personally like men that are completely single, truly want a serious relationship, and live their lives drama-free.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, most women in their 30s and up date to mate; the multiple partner arrangement was never our idea. Yes, we can be social butterflies, dress to impress and turn flirting into an art form – but that’s just what makes being a girl fun. I’m the type of woman that enjoys a good conversation with anyone but when my heart and body are captured by one strong, intelligent man, I relish in being adored by him,…and him alone.
Talk about you, not your resume
If you think I’m interested in being intimate with a long list of accolades, awards, and colleague recommendations, you’re sadly mistaken. I want the man, not the persona. I’m not looking to become one of your constituents or employees, but I hope be your woman, supporter, confidante, and friend.
I don’t become threatened by a man’s success and try to emasculate him because of it. I guess that’s why powerful men find me fascinating. I can appreciate how hard you worked to achieve your success and can make you feel like a king – but only if you let me see the soft underbelly of the warrior. Yes, I know that involves a lot of trust, but I don’t ask for anything that I’m not willing to give in return. So make my pulse race instead of my head swim by tossing your Curriculum Vitae back on your office desk.
Don’t let me take control of the conversation
I’m a woman who knows how to hold a conversation. I’m easy to talk to because I have a genuine interest in people from all aspects of life. I gain wisdom from every conversation when I’m open to being enlightened, but I like it when men turn the tables and ask me things about myself that cause some introspection.
Show me that my brain matters just as much my cleavage and small waist, because I wouldn’t be where I am without the intellect to back it up. Besides, if you don’t take control of the conversation I’ll take it as a slight indication that you have a laid back, go-with-the-flow personality. If that isn’t the case, show me who you are, hold your own during our first meeting, and keep me on my toes.
If you get my number, call me
It’s not my job to pursue you, ask for your phone number, or convince you to date me. I wear stilettos instead of Nikes for a reason, handsome. Let me give you an example of what you’re up against. For the car aficionados, you wouldn’t expect a car salesman to hard sell a Porsche Panamera GTS, would you? The fact that you’re in the showroom looking at that fine piece of machinery already denotes you want the car, can afford the price and upkeep, and are ready to see how she handles. Well I carry that metaphor over to dating, and caution men don’t step to a quality woman and expect her to sell you on her fine attributes. This is the first meeting, and the fact that you’re standing there talking to me for five minutes already proves this is the prelude to a possible date, not an audition or a job interview.
Remember what Chris Rock stated in his 1999 Bigger and Blacker comedy routine: guys have been pursuing women since they were teenagers, so I’m not really conditioned to be overly aggressive and ask for your number. I don’t care how many groupies, ex-girlfriends, assistants, and volunteers are giving you everything, including their blood type, due to some crazed belief that there’s a short supply of good men. If you’re interested in me, be prepared to give me a way to reach you.
Now, I know that sounds like I’m being a diva, but I’m really not. I rarely give my number, due to a few stalker situations. And most career-oriented, private women prescribe to the same modus operandi. So if I ever break protocol and extend my personal number, don’t take it lightly. Oh, and if you don’t call within 24 hours, don’t bother. You’ve already shown me you have other priorities that supersede getting to know me.
Plan an action date upfront
My most memorable, fun dates were the ones that involved action: the Warrior Dash in Maryland, jogging in Philadelphia, museum visits in DC, road trip to the Hamptons, or horseback riding and golfing in Jersey. When it comes to dating, everyone does dinner and a movie or some version of that formula – but come on guys, conversations can take place anywhere. You can talk during a walk on the beach, a cooking lesson, a couple’s workout at the gym, tossing a freebee in the park, or climbing a rock wall. The best thing about the warmer weather is getting out and enjoying yourself.
Action dates give me a better chance of seeing how comfortable you are with your body and different surroundings. Are you apprehensive with anything physically challenging? Do you have an adventurous spirit? Do you think it’s sexy when a women’s skin glistens with perspiration? Do my pheromones turn you on?
An action date will give insights to these questions and reveal how attentive you are to me. Most men and women have mastered normal dating situations and but not action dates. Nothing reveals a person’s real character faster than taking them out of their element. Just make sure it’s not a date where a bathing suit is required. That’s just creepy for the initial dates unless you’re both surfers.
So there you have it, what I like in the initial contact with a man who’s interested in me. It’s all about the way he talks, looks, and converses with me. Then he gives me a way to get in touch with him so we can talk further before he asks me out on a fun date. Please leave your questions and comments below and I’ll answer them right away.
Stay confident, handsome and otherworldly!